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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634286">please fuck me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Godofcardio/pseuds/Godofcardio'>Godofcardio</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Ending, Bottom Remus Lupin, Dom Remus Lupin, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sex, Hogwarts, M/M, POV Sirius Black, Sub Sirius Black, Top Sirius Black, Virginity, not the best end, sexsexual sirius black, virgin remus lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:48:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28634286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Godofcardio/pseuds/Godofcardio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus asks Sirius help him to loose his virgnity</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>please fuck me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There is a mention here of eating disorders and depression, but not something serious. Oh, and a huge thank to- @deancas_loverher. without her the story would have been much less good (see? This is an example of my failed translation qualities)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Please... fuck me.”<br/>
This is exactly what Remus says to me, verbatim. This! is! the! freaking! sentence!!! My amazing, sensitive, sweet friend… asks me to fuck him. No strings attached of course, just sex. Turns out he needs to lose his virginity. What the fuck-<br/>
Ok, so how did it happen? How the hell did this happen?<br/>
Three hours ago. That’s when it started. We went down to the lake, all four of us. James kept talking about Evans, about how much he wanted to fuck her- but not exactly. Not just fuck HER, fuck her brains out! Cause she’s so smart and beautiful, and oh, sexy too. He is in love with everything about her, and he wants to fuck her brains out. This was the moment I realised that this boy is an idiot.<br/>
Remus was reading some book, which I later discovered included Yaoi. Or just gays? I have no idea, he's already driven me crazy with all the different names. He brought the book to the lake and got engrossed in reading about geek boys kissing when the entire Hogwarts Quidditch players from all the houses were swimming just mere feet away. That was the moment I realized- this boy is an equally massive idiot.<br/>
Peter was trailing absently behind us. He didn’t do anything special, but there was no need for it. I have known for years that he too, is an idiot.<br/>
I managed to get one of my best friends to ask me for sex. Without any feelings. Now, after three hours, it dawns on me that I’m the biggest idiot of the lot.<br/>
We eventually ended up in our regular corner, under the biggest tree. Remus sits down right next to the trunk and immediately starts reading, Peter, busy eating some fruits, plops down next to him, James, always so straightforward that there is no point even looking at him, takes off his shirt and promptly jumps into the water, and me… I’m already in the lake, doing what needs to be done with whoever I want to.<br/>
I switch between Amy and the big boobs to the tiny Hufflepuff seeker, and if I feel eyes drilling holes in the back of my head - I ignore them. While Remus plans how to make everything between us really weird, I swim, canoodle and enjoy without any worries. Come on.<br/>
At this point, even Peter has already entered the lake (slowly and in fear of the giant squid) but Remus continues to sit there. Of course I'm an amazing friend who goes out of his way to accompany him, and also try convincing him that his abdomen is cool, but now - after a few hours - even though it really doesn’t make any sense - I’m sorry that I did it.<br/>
"How's the book coming along, Moony?" I dry myself in front of him, blocking the sunlight from reaching him, also, because he's on the ground, he has a direct view of my flaccid cock, and all the events of the past hour comes rushing back to me in three, two, one… no. Not yet. In another half hour.<br/>
“Hmm... it's fine. Can you move?” He blushes and puts a finger on the book, marking the page.<br/>
"Sure, if you get into the water." My blinding, irresistible smile flashes across my face and I'm very happy with myself. Very.<br/>
"No - just move ..."<br/>
"Come to the lake," I insist.<br/>
"Never mind," he says defeatedly and slides over to the other side in an attempt to get some light. Which was the opposite of what I was trying to get him to do.<br/>
"Come on Remus… Get up!" He usually gave up faster and ended up doing what * I * want. I snatch the book from him, hoping it's enough.<br/>
"Clive is waiting for you..."<br/>
I plonked down next to him and grabbed an apple. “Clive will survive. At least eat something.”<br/>
"I don't like to eat ..." he says and puts the book aside, desperately but unsuccessfully trying to avoid me.<br/>
"I don't care. You're perfect, and you have to eat, and swimming is fun. Come on!” I hand him the plate, literally shoving it in front of his face.<br/>
"You're not going to leave, are you?"<br/>
"Not a chance."<br/>
So he grudgingly eats four grapes, and I put the plate aside because it's a great achievement, and after a few moments, I feel his head resting on my shoulder.<br/>
A few minutes later he sits up, looks at me and opens his mouth. "Sirius… I need your help," he says weakly.<br/>
“Hmm .. sure. What happened?” I have no idea what's going to happen. Not a clue. When I take a big bite - I have no idea.<br/>
"I have to—" he shrinks inwardly, apprehensive and embarrassed. "Please fuck me."<br/>
I spit out the fruit in pure shock and the utter tactlessness of the words he had just uttered, and look to the sides to see if anyone else had heard. (They didn't, everyone was still in the water. He had still said that and that was the reality, but it was just us. Just the two of us.)<br/>
“Sorry. Of course you won't, what was I thinking ... “ I can tell that dark thoughts immediately start running through his mind, and I have to stop it. I have to, but I don't know how!<br/>
He gets up and I recover, reaching out to hold his hand tightly. "Wait," I say in a horrible voice, swallowing.<br/>
“It doesn't matter. Just ignore what I said.” He mumbles, trying, but failing, to free his hand.<br/>
"Sit down!" I command in a… in a clearer voice, and it makes him listen. He sits down again, but at a safe distance from me. Why is he trying to put space between us??<br/>
He lowers his head and I think about what to say. What can I say? I have to say something now, because it doesn't look like he's gonna do anything, and the situation is fraught with enough tension as it is.<br/>
"What ... what happened? Why now?" I ask, debating whether to put a hand under his chin and raise his head so that I can look into his eyes. Better not, I decide, so the situation won't get too romantic.<br/>
"I just-" he pauses and I don't push him. I wait. “I have to lose my virginity, ‘cause I can’t- I just can't, not knowing. It has to be a boy, and he should be close to me.” He says quickly, trying to spit the words out as quickly as possible. "In a friendly way!" He adds fearfully. "Friendly..." He mumbles again, trailing off.<br/>
“You want me to fuck you… without feelings?” I don't understand… but it seems that I actually do. And it's- it's terrifying.<br/>
“Yes. Exactly.” He raises his head and a ghost of a smile appears on his face. How am I supposed to answer that?<br/>
"You want me to fuck you, Remus fricking Lupin, my good friend, without feelings?" I ask again, a small part of me hoping for a different answer. (Like… I basically have no problem with stunts like one night stands, or.. friends with benefits… no strings attached. With most people I like having sex because they .. because they look good. That's enough. But we're talking about freaking Remus Lupin! The one who believes in love! He has eating disorders- huge insecurities... How can I just- do it?)<br/>
“Yes. Will you he-”  He pauses and I look back, seeing James approaching.<br/>
“Seriously Black? I wouldn't have believed it if I didn’t see it. Sitting in the shade? During one of the hottest days in the year?” he utters, completely unaware of what had just happened. But somehow, I thank him for the interruption.<br/>
“Hmm .. yes, you're right. I'll talk to you later.” I say to Remus and take this opportunity to get some space and clear my head, to get a few minutes by myself before I answer, because no matter what my decision - this will change everything between us.<br/>
So I went back into the water and tried to get distracted, but I just couldn't- he was all I could think about. Yes, he's beautiful. And it's not like I hadn’t fantasized about it lately, just a moment before I come, along with the rest of my disgusting, forbidden or impractical thoughts.<br/>
But now - when I'm sober, or sexually dormant, or whatever you call the times during which I'm able to think a little more rationally- I can't do it! I mustn't do that! But he wants- but it will destroy our- why did he say that???<br/>
I try focusing on the warmth of the water surrounding me, and Clive comes closer. It would have been great to continue - but he's watching me. And even if he isn't watching, he's all I can think of right now. And maybe I'm acting like a freaking prude, but I care about people's emotions. And being with someone while you’re thinking about another… only whores or assholes do that.<br/>
So no. We did not cuddle, nor did we kiss or do anything at all. I gave him a look that made him back off to the other side of the lake while I resumed swimming. I did laps and pushed myself, and overthought everything… (he was always trying to get me to think for myself. This time he finally succeeded.) And in the end I hauled myself out of the lake.<br/>
Getting out, I took my shirt and walked fast, trying to quickly disappear. He shouted at me and tried to follow me, but of course I avoided him . Most of the map was created by me… I knew Hogwarts like the back of my hand. So I acted like a miserable bottom and went, I went to think. This does not usually happen. I don't like to think.<br/>
So here I am, three hours later, sitting in a place he would never dream of looking for me - I'm at the Hogwarts Library. I'm in the fucking library and thinking about how to answer him, without ruining everything. Why did you do that Remus?? You know I can't resist. But simply put - I just have to! Do I need another bulimic attack on my conscience? Or perhaps a depressive episode?<br/>
No. I'm not willing to let that happen. But I want it so much!<br/>
Someone sits down next to me on the floor and halts the sequence of my thoughts. "Did you know that you are predictable?" The familiar voice says.<br/>
"W-what?? How did you know I'm here?" I gasped in surprise and almost ended up putting a hand on my heart, or jumping up in shock, or doing something else - something cheesy and cowardly. Almost, because I have great reflexes. So instead I am just panting in surprise.<br/>
"First off, you're never in the library. Secondly, you're avoiding me to the point where you’re running away. It's a simple calculation."<br/>
"Hmmp .. I'm not that readable," I answer him grimly.<br/>
"No… Probably not. But you're not very careful either"<br/>
"What do you mean?" I retort in confusion.<br/>
"People have seen you." He shrugs.<br/>
Fuck! I forgot about the nosy people the world is full of. Now rumors will start - people will think I'm studying! My whole reputation will be ruined… What will I do??<br/>
"Well, fine then, I suppose I was not that cautious." I weigh the words before saying them. "Why are you here anyway?"<br/>
"Because I want you to know .... I won’t get hurt by this. I’m asking this as a favor. Have sex with me, take away my virgnity, and I will keep my feelings to myself." He plays with his fingers absently.<br/>
What am I going to do now??? This nonsense always comes back. Obviously someone will want to continue this. Obviously it will change everything. Obviously I'm going to hurt him. Obviously it happens to other people too, but him- him I care deeply for, unlike the others.<br/>
But he asks me to do it. The gentle and sensitive Remus, my good friend, asks me to do this. What am I supposed to tell him?</p><p>So I don't. I kiss him, a long, desperate, confused kiss… That's what I do. And my heart is beating so fast and loud that I can hear it in my ears - which signals my doubt at doing this. My brain is empty, as usual - or maybe it's actually full… too full, my heart the only organ in my body that attempts to reason with me - only it tries telling me that this might be a mistake. It must be.<br/>
We walk fast… I actually * drag * him to the Room of Requirement. James and Peter don't need to know, and also… I want it to be special. He is special. I can’t see him as just another fuck…<br/>
So I take him to the room. While pacing up and down the hall, I ask for a small room, a * new * bed, and him… I want him to feel good there. I'm not exactly asking for it consciously, and I'm not sure if the room can provide that, but I care. I want him to feel good.<br/>
We rush inside and I kiss him again, pinning him to the wall… My stomach shrinks as he groans, but he seems to like it. I stop myself, trying to remember that it's for him… "What do you want to do-," I quickly clamp my mouth shut, because I almost said a word of affection. It's not love. Not romantic. He asked me for sex without feelings, and that's what he would be getting. I excel at that.<br/>
"Just… just sex. But I don’t want you seeing the scars," he blushes, probably thinking how stupid his request is. Personally, I think it’s super cute, but then again, I also see him as the epitome of perfection. He disagrees with me in both aspects.<br/>
I bite my lip in an attempt to hold myself back from laughing, or grinning, or making him feel uncomfortable. Fuck! He. is. perfect. What's his problem, why can’t he understand?? "Remus… You are amazing. You truly are amazing." I take off his robe and look into his eyes, trying to convey all the appreciation I feel for him. What I see when I look at him. Not a nerd, not just another piece of ass, just… just him.<br/>
He looks back at me. For a few seconds, all I see are those mesmerizing eyes, the honey-brown irises… that sweet, sensitive gaze… but then he looks away. "I don’t feel that way, and that is the end of the discussion. Now help me."<br/>
"Ok." I swallow." Just penetration? Do you want me to blow you...?"<br/>
"No. Just penetration" he says in a specific tone, determination etched into his voice, and it feels like he kicked me. Only penetration. I've never been so frustrated… I have never before wanted to give someone so much pleasure- to do more... but instead get denied that opportunity.<br/>
"Alright then, go to the bed. Take off what you feel comfortable with." I say, sighing. He walks past me and I stay there for a few seconds, staring at the wall. I think I have feelings, so I try hiding them by swallowing them all down.<br/>
"I'm ready." He replies, and I gain the courage to turn around. His old jeans and boxers lie abandoned on the floor, and he… he is sprawled on the bed, his pale, ivory skin on display, almost glowing in the dim lamp light, no tan marks anywhere… a loose white shirt hides his amazing ass, and his head rests on the pillow with his curls fanned out under him. If he could only see himself…<br/>
I quickly take off my pants and approach him, thrilled by this amazing, wondrous creature in front of me. I lift the shirt and kiss him right under his navel, just wanting… wanting to eat it up. I continue sucking and licking happily - I want to make him moan. I want him to shout my name. To be ecstatic.<br/>
As a good friend of course. I only care for him as a good friend.<br/>
He recoiled. "Stop it, I just need penetration. I asked for penetration." He says, and I cringe. Why is it so painful for me?<br/>
"Whatever you want." I get up and move away briefly, silently asking the room for lubricant. It appears in my hand and I coat my fingers… in a surprisingly fast manner. I want to be finished with this already. I insert two fingers into him and he gasps in surprise. I don’t… I don't think he is as innocent as he claims, because his hole is relatively wide. As if he had previously fingered himself in the shower. As if he knows exactly what to do. But if so… why does he need me?<br/>
"M-more," he mumbles, and I do what he asks. I insert another finger and gently push it inside… simultaneously trying to detach from the sudden wave of emotions that I was feeling. I must, because if I didn’t- maybe I would end up crying. Because the only person I wanted to pamper… doesn’t want it. Neither the pampering nor me.<br/>
He shouts when I accidentally brush against his prostate. I quickly ask the room to be soundproof, because I forgot about it during all the excitement. I repeatedly press up against that spot, stroking with my fingers, making him shudder… and commit every gasp or groan to memory. I do it because I know… I probably won't hear it again. I won’t hear him like this again.<br/>
"Are you ready?" I ask, and his wild nodding… the short gasps .. all indicate that he is. I take off my panties and mumble a contraceptive spell before slowly sliding inside. I take his virginity - metaphorically and physically, and it is at this very moment I realize that everything I could possibly do for him is over. I can’t give anything more, I have no way of helping him… He doesn't want anything more from me.<br/>
I thrust a few times, and then stop abruptly… because I can’t do this anymore. I mumble a rushed apology and run out, quickly getting dressed. He's still stunned - the moment is ruined, his first time, and that was just the beginning, I didn’t even let him come… so he doesn’t even get up. I leave the room and look for a quiet place… And there, in an empty classroom, I proceed to cry my eyes out.<br/>
Yes, I left him - not even halfway through his first time - but I just couldn't anymore. I know that one day he will find someone… someone he will love, someone who isn’t me. And this man will jump at the chance, because it's impossible not to fall in love with Remus Lupin.</p><p>The end</p>
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